I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
