Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
