the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
