I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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