she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You may now shotgun with the bride
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
