Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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