I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
