Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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