A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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