the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
