I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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