Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
