you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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