you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
