Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize