I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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