remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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