I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
