im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
