I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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