Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
