Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
