they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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