When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
