Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
