I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
