He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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