God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
