ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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