Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
