I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
