You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
