He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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