i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
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That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.