I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after