you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.