I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
25 People Confess What Theyâ€™re Shamefully Attracted To
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza