its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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