she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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