I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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