Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
