the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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