im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
