woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
