The maid of honor just puked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
