I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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