6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
