Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
