I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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