I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
