Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
