I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
