Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
