I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
a search helicopter?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
