I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
