I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize