I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
