Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
