felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
