mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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