I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
