It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Are we still banned from the library?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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