just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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