Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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