i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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