I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
