At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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