On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
